Mistakes Couples Make When Talking about Sex

Sex is a vital part of the relationships of many couples, so it may come as a surprise to you to learn that many couples have virtually no communication about sex. Sure, sex may be something they do on a regular basis, but when it comes to discussion and open communication about it, many people feel uncomfortable or are concerned about hurting their partner's feelings.

Unfortunately, if you and your partner aren't discussing sex, it means that you both may be missing multiple opportunities to improve your sex life. Maybe you both share a mutual fetish or fantasy that you've never had the chance to discuss. Maybe you've wanted to bring a sex toy into the bedroom. (You can find a large selection of sex toys here. Maybe you don't like something that your partner is doing and they'd have no problem changing it, but neither of you have brought it. Of course, there's the big issue of contraception and safe sex that needs to be discussed as well.

When trying to discuss sex, though, many people are making some common mistakes. Sex can be a sensitive topic, and because of that, it's important that you broach the topic with some general things in mind. Of course, the more often you and your partner discuss sex, the less sensitive and uncomfortable the topic will become, so it's vital that you get started as soon as possible. To get started for the first time, follow some of these tips for the best results:

1) Pick a Good Time: While it may seem like a good, logical idea, sex should never be discussed during sex or while arousal is high. Along with interrupting what you had going on, sex tends to arouse the entire body - including the brain, heart rate, and more. This arousal can lead to poor and clouded judgment that's really not helpful during a serious conversation such as this. The only time this rule should be broken is if safe sex or contraception hasn't been discussed - but ideally, that should have been discussed long before making it to the sex.

Instead, you should choose a time where you both are relaxed and feel close to one another. Neither of you should need to leave in the imminent future to allow for the time required to have this conversation.

2) Use the "Validation Sandwich" Technique: This is a basic statement technique that will help some of your criticism go over better when spoken to your partner. We definitely want to make this as gentle as possible on your partner. To start off with, try stating something you really love about what they're doing. Gently wedge in the problematic idea, and finish off with how much you think it would really help if that changed. For example, "I really loved that new technique you tried last night. When you used your hands like this, though, it felt a bit uncomfortable. I think using your hands like that next time will allow me to orgasm really quickly". This way, your partner's good attempts are appreciated while you also get to discuss the original problem.

3) Use "I...." statements instead of "You..." Statements: This is another one of those psychological techniques that can help your partner to respond more positively to your feedback. Instead of coming across as blaming "You make it feel unpleasurable when you touch me like that", you are going to use self-reflective statements such as "I feel slightly uncomfortable when touched like that". This avoids making it sound like you're blaming your partner, and instead, it makes it easier for you both to come up with a solution that's not going to cause the issue.

4) Use Non-Verbal Suggestions: If you really want to discuss a specific fantasy or fetish, see if you can find it featured or shown in a movie or TV show. When you both have time, sit down and watch the media. Afterwards, this gives you a simple and easy way to transition into a discussion about whether this is something you'd like to try. Plus, if the movie or TV show displayed your fantasy well, your partner may now have an interest in something they had never considered before!

See? Discussing sex and sexual topics with your partner doesn't have to be too bad. It's important to just approach the issue with sensitivity, and it's important to know when to be gentle about a topic. Once you and your partner are regularly discussing sex, though, you'll find that your sex life improves and you'll be able to discuss any new changes you'd like to see in the bedroom with ease. Happy talking!

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Intensify Orgasms Using Toys

A lot of people have figured out how to have orgasms on their own. Not everyone has, but many people have, and they've figured out the stress release and pleasurable sensations that this relaxing activity can provide. However, did you know that it's possible to increase the intensity of your orgasms just by investing in some new toys to try out? Just like many things in life, if you have the right items and accessories, you can really enhance your experience. Just like having weights will allow you to strength train more effectively versus trying to go without them, bringing toys into your bedroom can really improve things.

If you've never had an orgasm, you may be surprised about how much of a difference a vibrator can make. Added into the bedroom, many women find that they are finally able to orgasm once they have a strong toy at their bedside. To ensure you pick a great toy for your first time, pay attention to the battery and power it requires. The larger the battery type, the more likely the vibrations will be stronger. For example, a toy powered by C batteries will be stronger than a toy powered by AAA batteries. For the strongest sensations, choose an adult toy that's powered by a wall outlet; however, these types of toys are not waterproof. The most popular (and strongest) toy out there is the Hitachi Magic Wand; if you know you need the strongest possible vibrations, that's the most-recommended toy.

Even if they can achieve orgasm with just their hands, many women find that they can get stronger and faster orgasms by using a toy. Whether that toy vibrates or not is up to personal preference, but the additional stimulation can add even more to the standard sensations. In addition, a hand can still be used while using a toy, and multiple types of simultaneous stimulation is a method that many women swear by. For the more adventurous, two types of penetration at once will also stimulate multiple erogenous zones at the same time.

If you've never tried toys during intercourse, it might be time to start. While most women can't achieve orgasm from penetration alone, many women can orgasm when clitoral stimulation is added. While a hand can always be used, many toys are specifically designed to allow for hands-free stimulation. This way, it frees up your hands for other things while you still receive effortless stimulation to increase your orgasm potential during intercourse. A widely-recommended item is the We-Vibe 3, but there are a wide variety of toys for couples available. (You can click here to learn more about sex toys designed for couples).

For men, using toys can mean a brand new sensation. Many male toys provide a long, slender, flexible tube that offers an interesting texture on the inside. This unique texture can feel life-like, or in many cases, it feels pleasurable in its own way. The new sensation can intensify and speed up orgasm - and for those who want to increase their stamina, resisting this intensified pleasure may help to draw out time between the sheets.

To help prolong climax and increase the intensity, many men also turn towards a penis ring. Designed as a basic ring that fits on the base of the penis, this ring promotes a delayed climax through its snug design. When climax does happen, it's even more intense since it has been delayed.

No matter your gender, you now have a good idea of how to intensify your orgasms using sex toys. Whether you want to use a toy with a partner or go at it solo, bringing adult electronics into the bedroom can really result in a large payout - and in pleasure intensity you may not have known was possible!

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Improving your Health Through Kegel Exercises

There are lots of things that most of us do on a daily basis to improve our overall health. We try and get a full night's sleep, we brush our teeth, we try to eat healthier, we try to workout, and more. All of those things are vital to our health, and they are small steps we can take to improving our lives, so we do them. What if I told you there was a pretty small step that both men and women could take to improve their sexual lives? I bet you'd be interested.

There is! Kegel exercises are pelvic floor exercises designed to improve the sexual health of both men and women. While the exercises are usually recommended for women, men can do them just as easily, and they can provide a multitude of benefits for men as well. One of the best things about kegel exercises is that they can be done anywhere and at any time. No extra equipment is needed if you don't want to use it, and you can even do kegel exercises while doing other things like sitting through board meetings or watching your favorite television show - no one will be the wiser!

Along with being important to bedroom activities, kegel exercises improve overall health as well. Strong PC muscles provide better bladder control which can be vital after pregnancy or in your older age. Kegels provide a multitude of sexual benefits as well; kegels increase blood flow to the genitals which increases sensitivity and pleasure which can make orgasm more readily achievable. It also can increase the duration and intensity of orgasms. For men, strong PC muscles improves the firmness and reliability of erections. In women, stronger PC muscles provide a tighter grip on her lover's penis during intercourse.

To do kegel exercises, you'll first need to locate your PC muscle. To do this, try cutting off your urine flow next time you're in the bathroom. The same muscle you used to do that is the PC muscle that you'll need to exercise. (However, never do kegel exercises while peeing; it's not good for you). Later, when you aren't busy, try contracting those muscles. Try to avoid tightening up other muscles at the same time (though this may take practice). Tighten the muscle for ten seconds then release it. Doing it multiple times per day can help you get the fastest results. Further information about how to do kegel exercises can be found if you click here.

While you don't need any fancy equipment to do kegel exercises, just like weight-lifting, you can achieve better results by using dedicated exercise items. Kegel balls are a type of simple kegel exercise item designed for women. The balls are simply inserted into the vagina, and because of the extra weight and movement they provide, it works as a subtle way for the body to tighten the muscles to keep the toy inside. Many women also report that the sensation of using these kegel balls is pleasurable in itself. A relatively new invention, there also are resistance vaginal exercisers that allow you to take your PC muscle strength to the next level.

No matter if you're male or female, doing kegel exercises is a simple thing to do to do wonders to improve your health. It costs absolutely nothing unless you want to get some of the fastest results, and it's something that can be done anywhere and at any time. Frequently neglected because of their sexual health benefits, kegel exercises should be added to your healthy living choices - ASAP!

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How To Stop Premature Ejaculation

It's a problem many men face, but no one wants to discuss. At its best, premature ejaculation (PE) can be a mild annoyance. At its worst, it can become a fertility issue. In the book 'Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility,' Dr. Sami David explains that sperm that is released just as it enters the vagina often doesn't have enough of a head start. If you're one of the thousands who suffer from PE, don't worry.

Many men are reticent to discuss the problem with their peers, let alone their partners, resulting in a severe lack of attention to the problem all around. It's important to keep the dialogue going. To that end, here are some ideas that can help stop PE.

SSRIs

You know them by name: Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, etc. Clinically known as Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors, antidepressants that regulate serotonin in the brain have been proven to slow ejaculation. It is imperative that you speak plainly and openly with your doctor when considering these medications.

Kegel exercises

Having trouble locating your pubococcygeal muscles? Weren't sure whether you even had pubococcygeal muscles? You've got 'em. Here's proof. When you urinate, try tensing up and cutting off the flow. Start again. Stop again. That's your pubococcygeal muscles in action. Once you get that voluntary contraction down, perform 10 reps of 10 seconds each. Tighten, hold, release. A tight, confident hold means greater control.

Pre-sex masturbation

Ejaculation and orgasm in men results in chemical changes in the brain. For some, the brain takes its own sweet time to re-set the balance of these chemicals – resulting in a slow "re-charge" period. If this is your case, use it to your advantage. Many suffering from PE found that a pre-sex masturbation routine improved their ejaculatory time. As an added bit of spice, you can work with your partner to make this routine a shared activity.

Don't race to the finish line

Take a page from chick-lit. Slow things down. Penetration comes later – much later. Foreplay is the key to a satisfied partner. 'Nuff said.

3 Essential ingredients

1. A sense of humor.

Freud said humor is a response to frustration. Indeed, humor can help to alleviate frustration and tension. Sharing personal jokes with your partner is fine, as long as the humor doesn't hint at unspoken feelings. That leads us to...

2. Communication

Contrary to popular belief, PE is not that big a deal for the partners of those who suffer from it. What turns partners off is the unspoken frustration that exists between the two of you.

Open up. Let your partner know that you realize this issue may be as frustrating for them as it is for you. Encourage them to share their feelings with you. It's OK to be vulnerable, especially when it comes to being honest about your feelings.

3. Commitment

Discuss a plan of action. Acknowledge that this is your problem and you are going to do something about it, but that you will need support. This demonstrates that you have your partner's feelings in mind.

Notice a trend in the above? Having a sense of humor, communication, commitment – all of these are the hallmarks of a meaningful relationship. Not only is it necessary to have all three working in conjunction with each other, it is necessary to have them united by a fundamental principle: Trust.

You must trust that when you laugh together, it is not at your expense. You must trust that the communication is always going to be open. Lastly, you must earn trust from your partner by your commitment to them. PE doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. On the contrary: Honesty about it can be the beginning.

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