It's a problem many men face, but no one wants to discuss. At its best, premature ejaculation (PE) can be a mild annoyance. At its worst, it can become a fertility issue. In the book 'Making Babies: A Proven 3-Month Program for Maximum Fertility,' Dr. Sami David explains that sperm that is released just as it enters the vagina often doesn't have enough of a head start. If you're one of the thousands who suffer from PE, don't worry.
Many men are reticent to discuss the problem with their peers, let alone their partners, resulting in a severe lack of attention to the problem all around. It's important to keep the dialogue going. To that end, here are some ideas that can help stop PE.
SSRIs
You know them by name: Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, etc. Clinically known as Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors, antidepressants that regulate serotonin in the brain have been proven to slow ejaculation. It is imperative that you speak plainly and openly with your doctor when considering these medications.
Kegel exercises
Having trouble locating your pubococcygeal muscles? Weren't sure whether you even had pubococcygeal muscles? You've got 'em. Here's proof. When you urinate, try tensing up and cutting off the flow. Start again. Stop again. That's your pubococcygeal muscles in action. Once you get that voluntary contraction down, perform 10 reps of 10 seconds each. Tighten, hold, release. A tight, confident hold means greater control.
Pre-sex masturbation
Ejaculation and orgasm in men results in chemical changes in the brain. For some, the brain takes its own sweet time to re-set the balance of these chemicals – resulting in a slow "re-charge" period. If this is your case, use it to your advantage. Many suffering from PE found that a pre-sex masturbation routine improved their ejaculatory time. As an added bit of spice, you can work with your partner to make this routine a shared activity.
Don't race to the finish line
Take a page from chick-lit. Slow things down. Penetration comes later – much later. Foreplay is the key to a satisfied partner. 'Nuff said.
3 Essential ingredients
1. A sense of humor.
Freud said humor is a response to frustration. Indeed, humor can help to alleviate frustration and tension. Sharing personal jokes with your partner is fine, as long as the humor doesn't hint at unspoken feelings. That leads us to...
2. Communication
Contrary to popular belief, PE is not that big a deal for the partners of those who suffer from it. What turns partners off is the unspoken frustration that exists between the two of you.
Open up. Let your partner know that you realize this issue may be as frustrating for them as it is for you. Encourage them to share their feelings with you. It's OK to be vulnerable, especially when it comes to being honest about your feelings.
3. Commitment
Discuss a plan of action. Acknowledge that this is your problem and you are going to do something about it, but that you will need support. This demonstrates that you have your partner's feelings in mind.
Notice a trend in the above? Having a sense of humor, communication, commitment – all of these are the hallmarks of a meaningful relationship. Not only is it necessary to have all three working in conjunction with each other, it is necessary to have them united by a fundamental principle: Trust.
You must trust that when you laugh together, it is not at your expense. You must trust that the communication is always going to be open. Lastly, you must earn trust from your partner by your commitment to them. PE doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. On the contrary: Honesty about it can be the beginning.
